Middle Child Syndrome

My brother Albert has always been a rebel. The kind of rebel who knows exactly how to push your buttons. And steal your thunder. And do almost anything to convince you he is right.

I realize that this paints a very sinister picture of my brother, but don't be fooled. He is actually a handsome, engaging and intelligent young man (ladies... he is single). But he does have a tendency to intentionally aggravate me, or use his intelligence to manipulate a situation to go his way (two classic signs of a middle child). However, I felt it very necessary to tell you about his negative character traits as a lead in to the story I'm about to tell you.

When my brother was 13, he and two of his hoddlum friends, stole a bottle of tequila from my parents liquore cabnet, snuck it up the stairs and took turns pounding shots. Brilliant right? He was inevitabely found out due to his friends upchucking on the walls of his room and the mysterious glass of milk he had poured because someone told him milk helps you when you are sick from alcohol. WHAT?! After being discovered and of course, grounded till he was 30, he claimed that when he had kids he would let them drink when they were 13. In an effort to convince my mother that drinking at 13 was appropriate, he wrote up and signed a contract stating that he would let his children drink at thirteen years of age. Which my mother has. To this day. Hopefully I can convince her to let me borrow it so I can scan it and post if for you all.

The moral of the story is that for years, Albert had us all seriously convince that he was going to let his children drink at the age of 13. Recently, at dinner with the family at our favorite Via Veneto, he came clean that there was no way this was going to happen and he demanded the contract be returned so he could destroy it. Not going to happen.

So here is to you Albert! Cheers... and that thing that is happening with your eyes in this picture is probably a result of drinking at 13.